Colcam

The English businessman who got onto a plane at Inverness Airport and said jokingly to a stewardess that his carrier bag contained a bomb must be one of the last people left in the world to imagine that airline staff have a sense of humour when it comes to bomb wisecracks.

His flight was held up for hours, and he was hauled off the plane by armed police. He spent 24 hours in police cells before being taken to court, and was given bail until January on the condition he does not board an aircraft until the case is over. He had to get a train back to England.

And he still doesn't get it. He says the armed police response was "absolute madness".

For a businessman, even an English businessman, this is a really dumb character. He comes to Scotland on a weekend luxury break - in Aviemore of all places! Unless you consider tacky to be tasteful, Aviemore is not luxury - then, just to prove he's really stupid and has zero taste, he buys furry Loch Ness Monster souvenirs, before jumping on a plane and saying the bag of Chinese or Taiwanese produced Scottish souvenirs has a bomb in it. And he doesn't understand what the fuss is about, or why he didn't get his green furry Loch Ness Monsters back from the police.

The cops used a controlled explosion on them because they were so damned vulgar, trashy and offensive, that's why.