Saturday, October 20, 2007
Drink Up, For Tomorrow Will Still Come As Sure As Higher Taxes On Enjoyment
It was entirely predictable that, after the smoking ban was safely in place throughout the UK, the Government and the anti-everything-especially-enjoyment lobby, spurred on by that success, would turn their attention to drink.
Perhaps less predictable that they should so soon turn on their own, with a warning and call to action to save the livers of Surrey and Sussex, where wine flows freely and dinner table chatter frequently turns to outraged discussion and the call to a return of flogging for any council estate 'poor' who happen to enjoy a pint or three of a weekend instead of bragging about their rising property prices over a civilized glass of Chardonney and a line of cocaine.
Drinkers in middle-class areas are more likely routinely to consume “hazardous” amounts of alcohol than those in poorer areas, research published today shows.
What a blow to the superiority of our would-be superiors.
Of course Scotland didn't escape the attentions of the anti-everything-especially-enjoyment lobby, with the news that campaigners claim more than one million people in Scotland are drinking at potentially harmful levels, out of a total population of around 5 million, I should add.
All this, of course, is based on government guidelines on what they consider to be the safe amounts of 'units' one can consume in a week which, if followed, would make it hardly worth the effort of pulling a cork on a bottle of wine never mind going down the pub.
However, being a concientious type of fella, and knowing the importance of research, I put matters to the test last night, rolled a few fat ciggies, placed my favourite ashtray and glass beside my wee MacBook and, in my little council house with only the dog and cat for company, popped the cork on an extremely expensive bottle of 12 year old malt whisky - and risked my liver and my life.
Now, I must admit things didn't go quite as planned. I intended posting the results of my research here last night - but after an amount of 'units' I refuse to disclose to you - I fell asleep.
And this morning I woke up alive.
Favourite quote of the week goes to Jackoba, who wrote on this very subject in a Scottish newspaper the other day:
I tried to enjoy myself sober once, was disasterous. The girls were ugly, I was crap at pool, I couldnt grasp the meaning of life my friends had discovered in their higher plane of mind, my doner kebab tasted none too great, Fights seemed more dangerous and riding my bike home with my headphones in over the traintracks didnt seem a great idea so I had to take the long way.
Never again I tell ya, bloody lying foreigners ;)
Well put, Sir.
UPDATE: 6.35PM. DRINK LIMITS 'USELESS' - Guidelines on safe alcohol limits that have shaped health policy in Britain for 20 years were not based on scientific fact.
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Perhaps less predictable that they should so soon turn on their own, with a warning and call to action to save the livers of Surrey and Sussex, where wine flows freely and dinner table chatter frequently turns to outraged discussion and the call to a return of flogging for any council estate 'poor' who happen to enjoy a pint or three of a weekend instead of bragging about their rising property prices over a civilized glass of Chardonney and a line of cocaine.
Drinkers in middle-class areas are more likely routinely to consume “hazardous” amounts of alcohol than those in poorer areas, research published today shows.
What a blow to the superiority of our would-be superiors.
Of course Scotland didn't escape the attentions of the anti-everything-especially-enjoyment lobby, with the news that campaigners claim more than one million people in Scotland are drinking at potentially harmful levels, out of a total population of around 5 million, I should add.
All this, of course, is based on government guidelines on what they consider to be the safe amounts of 'units' one can consume in a week which, if followed, would make it hardly worth the effort of pulling a cork on a bottle of wine never mind going down the pub.
However, being a concientious type of fella, and knowing the importance of research, I put matters to the test last night, rolled a few fat ciggies, placed my favourite ashtray and glass beside my wee MacBook and, in my little council house with only the dog and cat for company, popped the cork on an extremely expensive bottle of 12 year old malt whisky - and risked my liver and my life.
Now, I must admit things didn't go quite as planned. I intended posting the results of my research here last night - but after an amount of 'units' I refuse to disclose to you - I fell asleep.
And this morning I woke up alive.
--- CONCLUSIONS ---
Drinking did not cause any violence - did not kick the dog, or the cat, or both.
No broken windows, neighbors unwoken.
House did not burn down despite my attempts at making cheese toasties.
No pain in liver, but slight pain in the neck after sleeping on couch.
After a lengthy and intellectual discourse with the cat and the dog, realized that living in a council house and drinking an excellent and expensive Highland Malt beats worrying about a £250,000 morgtage and being reduced to cheap Chardonnay.
Oh dear, I didn't leave much in that bottle, did I?
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Drinking did not cause any violence - did not kick the dog, or the cat, or both.
No broken windows, neighbors unwoken.
House did not burn down despite my attempts at making cheese toasties.
No pain in liver, but slight pain in the neck after sleeping on couch.
After a lengthy and intellectual discourse with the cat and the dog, realized that living in a council house and drinking an excellent and expensive Highland Malt beats worrying about a £250,000 morgtage and being reduced to cheap Chardonnay.
Oh dear, I didn't leave much in that bottle, did I?
------------------------------
Favourite quote of the week goes to Jackoba, who wrote on this very subject in a Scottish newspaper the other day:
I tried to enjoy myself sober once, was disasterous. The girls were ugly, I was crap at pool, I couldnt grasp the meaning of life my friends had discovered in their higher plane of mind, my doner kebab tasted none too great, Fights seemed more dangerous and riding my bike home with my headphones in over the traintracks didnt seem a great idea so I had to take the long way.
Never again I tell ya, bloody lying foreigners ;)
Well put, Sir.
UPDATE: 6.35PM. DRINK LIMITS 'USELESS' - Guidelines on safe alcohol limits that have shaped health policy in Britain for 20 years were not based on scientific fact.
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Labels: Freedom, Health, Labour, Poverty, Smoking
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